For most of us, the first interaction we experience in our lives is with our mothers. It is through her nurturing, support, love, and attention that we first begin to develop a sense of self-worth, self-esteem, confidence, and emotional intelligence. But having narcissistic parents can interrupt that personal development in a bad way.
A strong relationship with our mothers provides an example of how to interact with the world around us in a productive way- how to form relationships, empathize with others, and value the people in our lives. But a relationship that is abusive in any way or carries an undercurrent of emotional toxicity puts us at risk for anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and low self-worth. If you have frequent memories of hearing things like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Oh, poor you. Did I hurt your little feelings?”, or if you’ve often thought throughout your life “Why can’t I ever be good enough?” it’s possible you may have a narcissistic mother [1].
What is a Narcissist?
Narcissism is a broadly-used term to describe someone who appears to be too full of themselves. As with most other personality traits, narcissism is viewed as a spectrum, and most people fall somewhere in the middle [2]. At the extreme end of the spectrum, you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others, NPD is actually quite rare. It can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional [2,3].
On the surface, people with NPD may appear to have very high confidence and self-esteem, but in reality, the exact opposite is true. A very fragile self-esteem leaves these people vulnerable to even the slightest criticism, and so they do everything they can to elevate their sense of self. To do this, people with NPD often do their best to associate with individuals who they view as gifted or special in some way, and they are constantly in search of excessive admiration and attention from others [2,3].
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